Ironic...

ALANIS MORISSETTE - Ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."

And isn't it ironic... don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreamsAnd then meeting his beautiful wife

And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

*******************

I love this song. It might sound really "ironic"...like painting negativeness of life. But then, all those "ironic" stuff happening in life always seems to have a silver lining...that at the end of the day...Life really has a funny way of helping me out.

Guess those ironic moments do play an important lesson in life.

"Ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife"

Moments of Bliss

Been a while since I last placed an entry. Hmmm...been rather lazy today. Didn't get much done except to uni to take my normal evening class for ACCY308. Even that was horrible today coz didn't manage to tutor the entire syllabus required given that it was a rather technical and complex tutorial today...a mix of financial instruments and share-based payment transactions.

Yup, I might be a technical guy...but I really think that one hour of such a deep topic is not really helpful for students...had to promise my class to rerun the important points again next week...given that their eyes were kinda wild by the end of the class. Hahahaha...

But in the midst of the busy schedules - two major large-ass essays plus one mini research project due pretty soon, my room's a mess and Joanne today said I looked pale and sickly (one word Jo...Honours)...my heart jumped when I was going through my pictures folder...

Hehehe...glanced again at the pics Yin sent me of the time I spent in Auckland last December. Went kayaking with the OCFers, Letisha and Yin (small world, my college mate Yin was in E&Y where she met Letisha who is my classmate here...and...we kinda have same friends given that the OCFers also know Yin). It was fun!! Can't wait to join you again in Christchurch next month. But for a lil while, I felt happy again..hahaha

Yup, those were the fun times. :P Now am so motivated for the holidays to arrive!!! Christchurch here I come...

Oh..Jo (Jo Hoo) is coming down tmr...hope to meet up with her and bring her to ICF. Still, wondering why her company, of all places, choose Welly for training..hmmm..

Life is Passing me by

What a week...Honours is getting pretty intense these two weeks ahead of me with everything due at once. Shouldn't be blogging but I think I owe this entry not only to myself but to you.

Everything seems a blur to me these days. Waking up seems to be a chore. Going to University seems to be a torture. Attending my classes seems to be meaningless. I question my decisions to do Honours. I begin to lose control of my emotions under stress. Sigh...I thought I managed to keep that angry ol' me down to a pat inside...but Jess said I looked angry at tax this week (couldn't help it...the lecturer was a pain in the place where sun don't shine).

What's becoming of me? I need my smiley, laughing, crazy self back. I am becoming so so so much serious and moody this year...I don't like it. :(

God...please grant me serenity, strength and willpower as I walk through the valley of the shadow of...Honours. Amen.

That said, two...not three good things can be mentioned:
1) I've booked my flights to Christchurch for the mid-year break from 29th June to 5th July for our AUSMAT reunion/holiday/Bersatu Games/Coz I never been to CHC yet/It's the last major city I need to visit in NZ to complete my collection...hahaha.

2) Today, Sat 12th May: Lotto Powerball is NZD14million. Thurston gave me 7 numbers to buy...all the way from UK. Should I?? haha..

3) Matthew's Joke on Solomon:
After the incident with the baby, all Israel is in awe of Solomon's wisdom. The King seems to be getting to a good start with his people. Then...one day, two women and an adult male walked into his palace gates screaming for justice.

The crowd gather to watch Solomon pass his judgement on the problem.

Women 1: This guy is my son. The other women lost her son in the battle and now wants mine

Women 2: She is a liar!! This is my son!

Solomon: Hmmm...take a sword and cut the man in half...each half to each women.

Women 1: NO!!! Don't do that. Give the man to Women 2...just don't cut him up.

Women 2: YES!! Do it..then both of us shall get a fair share of this man.

The Crowds: Give the man to Women 1. She is the one! She is the one who cares!

Solomon: No..give the man to Women 2...the one who wants to cut him up.

The Crowds: WHAT THE !!!!

Solomon: Women 2 is the one....she is THE MOTHER-IN-LAW.

Well, back to work...three more weeks...

Are YOU willing? Am I?

The week that was has been stressful. I can't really define the feelings I am experiencing, the moments of dullness, the moments of anger, the moments of wanting to burst out and give up...and yet, I hold on. Why? Coz I know that God has called me to Honours, to undergo this course, to suffer and languish this year...for a purpose. Who am I to ask God for blessings, for a better future if I will not walk through the process of achieving that very end? That what He plans and pushes me to do is Good and it shall be Good in my sight.

Last night's Life Group opened my eyes to a passage that was not only amazing but heart searching as well. It centred on Isaiah 6: Isaiah's Commission. I'll interspace the bible verses with my comments.

Isaiah's Commission
1 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.

2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.

3 And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."

4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

First off, God IS HOLY. How holy? Angels that guard His throne have to cover their sight from Him coz even angels perish from gazing on His holiness. That's the first thing one should always be mindful of. God IS HOLY and we are not. Isaiah acknowledges this by trembling at the sight and sound of God's revelation in the temple by crying "I am ruined!". Isaiah recognises his own sinful natures, his unworthiness, his uncleanliness before God. That is something we all have to recognise...that we are sinful and we are ruined before the presence of God's holiness.

Moreover, revelation is not complete without realisation. God may have revealed Himself to you over and over and over again in your life, but if you do not realise the sinful nature of your life and the holiness of His presence, no matter what revelations He gives you...it's just futile. Realisation of His holiness must go hand in hand with revelation of His holiness. Moses realised it when he faced the burning bush, Paul realised this on the road to Damascus, Peter realised this when Jesus called him...but Pharoah did not realise it although God had sent revelations after revelations to Him.

6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar.

7 With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

Sinful as we are, God loves us. He yearns to have a everlasting relationship with us. This very revelation given to Isaiah foresees the future...it tells of a time when our guilt will be taken away, our sin atoned for. Did you not pick up the weirdness in this verse? Your sin atoned for...atonement requires an intermediary. This forgiveness of sin...this removal of guilt...foresees the coming of Jesus as our Saviour whose blood now washes us clean and purifies us in His sight if only we realise His revelations to us through His Son Jesus.

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

Verse 8 ilicits two important points:

1. Isaiah's primary and first response upon forgiveness achieved is to ask God to send him. One does not receive such a blessing without wanting to tell others about it. Isaiah's reply reminds us that the gift of forgiveness, of atonement for sin...should lead us to be ever eager to be sent out and tell everyone of this good news...this willingness to do what God wants us to do...to adhere to where He wants us to go for Him. "Send me and I will go"...Are YOU willing? Am I? It's a heart troubling questions...in my life I have been saying I will go where God leads me...where He sends me I will go...but did I mean it? Am I willing?
2. It has to be YOU. In the New Testament, Jesus tells the tale of a man who lands himself in hell after a life of sin. In agony, he sees Abraham looking down and asks Abraham to send him back to the world to tell his friends and family about the punishment of sin...to turn them away. The reply? If they would not believe those who live, the prophets who have come and gone for so long...telling them about this end...will they then listens to spirits and ghosts? It has to be YOU.

9 He said, "Go and tell this people:
" 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'

10 Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes. [a]

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed."

11 Then I said, "For how long, O Lord?"
And he answered:
"Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant, until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged,

12 until the LORD has sent everyone far away and the land is utterly forsaken.

13 And though a tenth remains in the land, it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak leave stumps when they are cut down, so the holy seed will be the stump in the land."

Verses 9 to 13 tells of the prohecy of what is to come for the nation of Israel towards the end of the Old testament. Firstly, verses 9 to 10 tells of the nature of Isaiah's work...that he shall be a prophet telling the people of what is to come. Isaiah is known to have prophesied about Jesus more than any other prophets in the Old testament and it is the nature of prophecies to result in hearing but not understanding, seeing but not perceiving as all these shall come to pass when God decides on the prophecy's realisation. Why so? To avoid people to see and hear using their own eyes and ears but to rely on God rather than themselves (verse 10).

When will all these prophecy...these hearing but not understanding end? Here God gives a chilling revelation of what is to come to the nation of Israel. Towards the end of the Old testament, Israel is indeed laid to ruin...Babylon came followed by many other invaders looting and sacking the nation to the ground even the temple laid to waste. At the end of the Old testament, the nation of Israel is sent on exile and scattered around...but as the oak has a stump in the land, God has prepared His Holy Seed to come coz no matter what ruin Israel is in...Jesus is on the way to save them.

God knows what is going to happen in your life...in my life. The moment may be a pain, the moment may be filled with suffering...but I know I am not called to live for the moment but to focus on the big picture coz God knows best and His end is always GOOD!! I'll hang in there Lord...Amen.

Daylight savings extended

Excerpts from Stuff.co.nz on Daylight Savings in NZ being extended:

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"The Government has decided to extend daylight saving another three weeks, to a 27-week period."

"Clocks will go forward an hour a week earlier than usual – on the last Sunday in September – and will go back an hour on the first Sunday of April, instead of the third Sunday in March."

"For New Zealand this year, summer will start one week early, will finish weeks later and I think it's up to the weatherman to determine how good it is," Mr Barker (Internal Affairds Minister) said.

"Daylight saving will start at 2am on September 30 and end at 3am on April 6, 2008."
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I think it's one good thing to have our summer extended...it's another matter when it comes to having the weather to enjoy it...especially in Wellington. We'll wait and see.

Stress

Do you know the feeling? When a deer peacefully grazing...catches the scent of a lioness prowling somewhere in the long Savana grass. The feeling of ultimate doom...of wanting to run away.

Take Accounting Honours. It's no different.

Raindops

It rained today. Showers of raindrops cascaded through the morning sky, drenching the pathways; giving weight to the morning dew that gathered on the green grass. Grey feelings emerge as I stared out my window...

I miss home. I miss my parents. I miss my hometown friends that are now scattered throughout the world. I miss the old days. I miss roti bakar and half-boiled eggs with Apek's Kopi-O while staring out of the Kopitiam on a rainy morning.

Rainy days make me thoughtful. Might be due to the fact I am locked in at home when it's pouring outside that forces me to sit down, stare at the pellets of water bouncing of the ground that focuses me on the days that were, where I am and where I am heading.

It makes me realised how blessed I am. How thankful I am to God for here I am sitting down in my bedroom in Karori, Wellington when the very thought of stepping on foreign soil was just a dream, a miracle back in the year 2001. It makes me think of the times I spent in MMU till the day I received that call that changed my life. It makes me think the anguish I had in trying to persuade my parents that the scholarship wasn't a bad thing...that God has answered my prayers...that my call out to God every night in that dark corner of my room for two years in my Form 4 and 5 years have been answered. It makes me think how strong I clinged unto God, how strong my faith was, how....Dad used to ask me to pray for the family each time we gathered at the dining table and before we went on holidays coz Dad says I am a strong prayer. It makes me think...how far I have come since then.

Not very...

And where I am now? 3 broken relationships and 1 rejection, one undergrad degree, 2 ICF Committees, 2 scholarships and in the middle of my last hurdle...I think I have grown weaker since then. Life has gotten so complicated...all the more coz I complicate things. I want to control my life. I want it to go on as I want it to go...and yet, all this counter what God plans are for me. I always am blessed that God has always provided me alarms, warning signs when I stray...I am thankful for that coz those alarms are clanging in my ears now. But faith seems so hard to muster as I grow up. I can't seem to regain the zeal, the outlook, the faith I had back then. Why? I don't know. I'm tired. I am struggling with God but am trying not to coz I want God to take control of my life. I worry a lot but I don't want to coz worry simply means I am trying to control what I cannot in life. I ask God for so much and yet I forget what God has taught me so painfully in 2004 - Don't ask for something I cannot handle coz it may just be God grants it and I suffer...to be stronger. God...what should I do? Hmmm....

So where do I head? I can tell you Deloitte awaits me in Feb next year. I can tell you I want to qualify my CA in 3 years or less. But NO. But is that where God wants me to head? If I keep all this to my heart so strongly, if I aim for my career so blindly...will I be able to give it up when God calls me to? Can I? I don't want to hold something so dear to me that I am unwilling to give it up for God. Struggling with it? Yeah...but each day, I do hope I draw closer to You.